I'm laying in your front yard are you home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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