im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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