Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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