I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
