I'm lost and stupid without you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
