Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
