Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
