So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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