I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I cockslap morals
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
