I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
MIDGETS
????
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
