Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
