1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
PANTIES FOUND
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