I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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