omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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