remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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