I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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