M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
