I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
