I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
