i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
