First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
