Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
