You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
