I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
