you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
