He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
