We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
