I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
