That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I enjoy the company of your penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
