I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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