I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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