were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you made out with another girl for some wings
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
