Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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