my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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