he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
