Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
