I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
