So drunk its hurt
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
