Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
