carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
