I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
