she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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