The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
