You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
