omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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