I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
