just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
