Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
