i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
