I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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