Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
