**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
