Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
