I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
