I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize