I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
