remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
