I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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