Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
