then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
