i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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