At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
