And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
