Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
