The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
