im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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