1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
