Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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