omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
