Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
