my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Farmville is her only friend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
