turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
