dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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