i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
